Clashes within…

She could drown in her own sadness
Feel lonely being surrounded by people
Would get high in her own mood swings
Yet
Part of her always wanted to be in love
It didn’t matter if the feeling was painful
She just wanted to be in it
To know once again, how it feels
Because
It seemed, in her own emptiness
She had lost her sense of feelings
Undoing the past was not an option
But all she wanted was to
Unlearn how not to hate herself
She knew it was impossible to heal
Without being in love
And
It didn’t matter if love would bring her new scars
She just wanted to get rid of the old ones
She wanted to be in love